Imagine feeling more love from someone than you have ever known. Picture being loved even more than your mother loved you as an infant, more than your father, your child, or your most intimate lover. This profound love asks nothing in return, seeks no personal gratification, and desires only your complete fulfillment. This is A Journey to Self-Love with Loving Inquiry.
You are cherished simply for existing, for being precisely who you are. There’s nothing you need to do to earn it. Your perceived shortcomings—any lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success—none of these truly matter. This love is an unassailable truth; no one can ever take it away from you, and it will always be there, flowing within.
Being immersed in this love is like endlessly relaxing into a warm, supportive bath that embraces your every movement. Every thought and feeling becomes permeated by its gentle presence, allowing you to feel as though you are dissolving into pure love.
This love, in its essence, is intrinsically part of you, an ever-flowing current. It’s akin to the subatomic texture of the universe, the very “dark matter” that connects everything. When you intentionally attune yourself to this flow, you will feel it resonate in your own spiritual heart—not the physical organ, nor the seat of fleeting emotions, but that deeper place in your chest you instinctively point to when you say, “I am.” This is your intuitive heart, where the higher mind, pure awareness, subtle emotions, and your soul’s identity converge, connecting you to the boundless universe where presence and love reside.
The Root of Suffering: Separation and False Beliefs
Often, our lives are dictated by fear, which Mark L. Lockwood suggests is fundamentally separation anxiety—the belief that you are separate from love, which is your true nature and the nature of God and the universe. Fear creates emotional states that don’t truly exist, leading to pain and suffering. It’s “False Evidence Appearing Real” (F.E.A.R.)—something that appears, feels, looks, and even tastes real but isn’t necessarily true. This “dream state” is created by our frightened personality to keep us safe, but it often imprisons us.
The mind, biased to believe lies, operates with defense mechanisms, cognitive distortions, and false memories, often falling prey to projection. Studies even suggest that up to 50% of our memories can be false. This can lead to harmful beliefs, judgments, and societal divisions like racism, classism, and gender bias, fostering separation and perpetuating conflict. Emotions like anger, jealousy, loneliness, criticism, and resentment are all rooted in this separation from our true loving nature.
Loving Inquiry: Your Path Back to Your Loving Self
To heal and take A Journey to Self-Love with Loving Inquiry, we must move from this state of separation back to integration. This is where the practice of Loving Inquiry becomes invaluable, serving as a “way-shower” and a “wise friend” on your journey toward authenticity and the love of life. It encourages us to question what we think, feel, and believe, examining our belief systems for “thinking errors.” This contemplative questioning helps us discern truth from the false beliefs that cause our pain and suffering.
Loving Inquiry teaches that fear cannot be confronted or slain because it’s fear of nothing, of no-self. Instead, fear can only be surrendered to by bravely entering the very thing feared. We find the courage to surrender and accept when we stay emotionally open and heart-brain coherent. We metaphorically “slay the dragon” of fear not with force, but with the emotion of love.
The journey back to self-love involves a structured yet compassionate process:
- Self-Awareness: This is the initial step where you become mindful of feeling stressed, anxious, fearful, or in pain. This sensation serves as a signal, indicating that “there is work to do.”
- Self-Discipline (The Contemplative Pause): This crucial practice involves consciously stopping, taking a deep breath, and refraining from impulsive reactions. The core question here is, “Is what I am believing true?” Writing down your initial thoughts and feelings in real-time brings clarity. This pause is essential for engaging your Contemplative Intelligence (CQ) before thoughts can manifest as detrimental actions.
- Self-Inquiry: This step encourages deeper exploration by asking yourself a series of critical questions: “What will happen if I start to think that… if I start to feel that… if I do this… what will the real consequence for me be?” This process helps distinguish between mythical beliefs and objective reality.
- Self-Connection: This stage focuses on remembering your true identity, unburdened by defensive reactions. It involves listing your core values and exploring your deeper emotions, fostering a profound connection to your authentic self.
- Self-Reflection: Here, you acknowledge and reflect on how you might be harshly judging others or specific situations. The key is to phrase it as, “He/She/They are doing… because I judge them harshly.” This powerful admission is a step toward ownership, accountability, and genuine authenticity.
- Self-Love: This culminating step is where you wholeheartedly affirm your truest self. You articulate it by saying, “I am a [your best value] person who can choose compassion for [person/situation] because they have done their best even though I don’t like it.” You then consciously choose to shift from unwanted feelings to those that serve your well-being, recognizing that “without this story in my body-heart-mind I am… free!” This profound realization empowers you, freeing you from being imprisoned by the actions of others or your environment.
The Freedom of Self-Love
When we return to love, we find inner peace, and healing begins within the body-heart-mind. The peace we cultivate internally transforms how we perceive the world externally, causing harsh judgments to melt away. It’s a journey of remembering who you are without the stories you believe.
This practice encourages emotional openness and an honest examination of beliefs. It helps us let go of the need to control others and situations, returning to the profound freedom that self-love offers. As the Paradigm Process teaches, “Self-love kills control.” When we stop the separation, the fear of “the other” disintegrates, leading to genuine connection and inner peace.
The emotions of healing that lead to love include: gratitude, caring, reverence, trust, appreciation, patience, contentment, awe, generosity, integrity, vulnerability, courage, openness, and kindness. Embracing these emotions cultivates a profound sense of well-being and freedom.
By diligently practicing A Journey to Self-Love with Loving Inquiry, we cease to be dictated by our external environment and move from the “prison of personality” into a reality where we live from our authentic, “Sacred Self.” This transformative process can help people heal from a wide range of issues—from depression and anxiety to addictions and trauma—by allowing the truth to set them free. It is a return to our true nature, which is love.
For a deep dive and more of an explanation on Loving Inquiry you can explore the summary video here. Namaste.
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