Unmasking Yourself: Shedding the Personality Mask

We all wear masks. Some are subtle, others more overt. These aren’t literal masks, of course, but rather the personas we adopt to navigate social situations and interactions. These “personality masks” are the carefully constructed facades we present to the world, designed to protect ourselves, fit in, or achieve certain goals.

The idea that personality is fixed is a myth. While our core temperament might have some genetic roots, the way we express it – our personality – is incredibly malleable. Think of it like a garden: you can cultivate a different kind of flower by tending to the soil, pruning, and providing the right conditions.

I have been quoted a number of times on my comments about the personality and what it does for us and then what it stops doing for us to our apparent detriment. Basically it goes like this, “Mark Lockwood, a life strategist and spiritual teacher, views personality as a complex interplay of conscious and unconscious factors. He believes that personality is not fixed, but rather a dynamic process shaped by our experiences, beliefs, and relationships. Lockwood emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and self-acceptance in understanding and transforming our personalities. He suggests that by shedding limiting beliefs and embracing our authentic selves, we can achieve greater personal growth and fulfillment, heal personality disorders and totally transform our lives”.

What we all need to know if that the desert fathers, religious scholars and teachers from the east and west have been telling us all along that we need a ‘spiritual awakening, a life transformation, a born-again experience, or an enlightenment experience and they are right! This is in fact the journey of life. It is the very meaning of our lives, to die once while we are still alive as St. Francis suggested we need to do. If you’re stuck emotionally in some way in your life this is probably the cause and the cure is discovering your true self, beyond the masks of the defensive persona. We are both human and divine and God wants us to be real, authentic and unhindered by the false and fearful or frightened parts of our personality.

Can you change your personality? Not only can you change it but at some point you will need to lose your personality and create a new one. What served us as children at a certain point in life stops helping us and starts to hinder us……we heal the anxiety, stress and depression by creating a new personality as we discover our authentic, true and sacred selves.

Mark L Lockwood

Why Do We Wear Perona’s or Masks?

• To protect ourselves: Masks can shield us from vulnerability, rejection, and judgment for starters.
• To fit in: We conform to societal expectations and group norms to avoid feeling different or excluded. We blend in and lose ourselves.
• To achieve goals: We might adopt a more assertive or confident persona to succeed in work or social situations.
• To cope with trauma: Masks can help us cope with past traumas by suppressing emotions and presenting a different self to the world. We all suffer trauma and so we all develop masks to protect us. These masks eventually smother us!

The Dangers of Masking your authenticity:

We have leanred at our personality disorder clinic and through our programs that while personality masks can be helpful in certain situations, constantly wearing them can have detrimental effects:

• Emotional suppression: Repressing genuine emotions can lead to emotional suppression, anxiety, and depression. When we can’t feel we become frightened.
• Authenticity issues: Difficulty connecting with others on a deeper level due to a lack of genuine self-expression, not being able to answer what should be a simple question – “Who am I”
• Burnout: Maintaining a facade requires constant effort, leading to exhaustion and a sense of in-authenticity that smothers our passion, desire and divinity.
• Relationship strain: Authentic connections are difficult to build when you’re not truly yourself. Intimacy is probably the biggest issue our personality masks cause. We don’t want people to see what is inside us – into-me-I-See or intimacy is a major issue.

“Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that I am afraid to take off and none of them is me.” – Alan Ginsberg

How to change my personality? A Journey of Self-Discovery

Going Beyond your self created personality is no easy task. Do you want to know how to change my personality? Well, first you have to actually know that you are not your personality. You are not your thoughts. You are not even how you feel. Feelings arrive from past experiences. Experiences become emotions. 

Over time, decades of life even we tend to become a certain type of person. In fact, we can all easily be categorised today into various personality types. We may be open or closed, be prone to extraversion, high or low levels of agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism.

You’re not your moods, attitudes, traits or your personality type. That is how you present yourself in a world that is based on survival of the fittest. Slay or be slain becomes the ego ethos that our minds believe is our reality. We fight, flee and close off. We become codependent, anxious or avoidant. We can become neurotic even, but that’s not who you really are. 

Removing the mask is a journey of self-discovery and requires courage and introspection. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Identify your masks:
   • Observe your behavior: Pay attention to how you act differently in different situations. Look for which of the 10 masks you wear and learn how to remove them through the Paradigm Process.
   • Reflect on your thoughts and feelings: Are you truly expressing your authentic emotions, or are you filtering them?
   • Seek feedback: Ask trusted friends or family members for honest feedback on how they perceive you.
2. Embrace vulnerability:
   • Start small: Share your true feelings with someone you trust.
   • Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate this process.
   • Embrace imperfection: Accept that you are not perfect and that it’s okay to be vulnerable.
3. Develop self-awareness:
   • Engage in self-reflection: Journaling, meditation, and mindfulness practices can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings.
   • Therapy: A therapist can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your emotions and develop self-awareness.
4. How to change my personality? Cultivate authenticity:
   • Express yourself honestly: Start expressing your true self in small ways and gradually increase your authenticity.
   • Set boundaries: Learn to say “no” to things that don’t align with your values.
   • Focus on your values: Live in accordance with your values and beliefs.

Your personality is your personal creation that becomes your personal reality. If you want to change your life then change your personality and your personal reality will follow transformative suit. Mark L Lockwood BA(hons)(psy)

The work of the Paradigm Process of shifting personality discusses the concept of personality masks that individuals adopt to navigate social situations and protect themselves. The work emphasizes that personality is not fixed but evolves through experiences. To achieve personal growth, one must shed these masks, embrace vulnerability, and cultivate authenticity, fostering deeper connections and emotional health.

More on How to change my personality? Come and spend time at the Center for Healing in South Africa. A private wellness centre, one of the best healing centres for depression and trauma, with the ‘depression dream team’ that really, really help you heal the disordered personality. Start a course person or online. Heal your life!