MARK L LOCKWOOD

Use ABBA for managing Anger in relationships which is a tool to help couples realise that they are in the red zone and should take a pause.

Healthy Relationships take work, especially when the going gets tough. Anger in relationships is a common visitor and can wreak havoc if left unmanaged to run riot. Anger unchecked can escalate into something that it shouldn’t, yet couples find it hard to regulate their emotions in the heat of the moment.

Mark uses a simple relationship hack called ABBA, an acronym for Anything But Bloody Anger. If couples battle to control their emotions and give each other the time and space they need to relax, chill out, and take a deep breath, then this relationship goal tool may be exactly what they need.

When one partner reaches the red zone and senses that the anger is no longer useful or healthy, they are allowed to play ABBA. During that time, they are to be left alone completely to hit the pause button. When the exercise is over and the music is turned off, rather than each partner engaging in more emotional and less rational behavior, they can become less fearful and more loving. This allows them to see things more clearly and in turn, love each other more dearly, with the anger having escalated beyond what it should.

“Truth is everybody is going to hurt you: you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”

— Bob Marley

Although using ABBA for managing Anger in relationships can end up to be enough to drive a saint mad, for many people it is still better than unmanaged anger. When couples need to keep their rage in check, then anything, absolutely anything but bloody anger, is okay. We will all do well to realise that we get so incredibly emotionally triggered by our relationships even when they are just starting out because our own past life experiences, traumas, perceptions and ways of quickly trying to survive and thrive jump into action.

This monkey mind is not always a good thing for relationships but emotions like anger can and should be managed. If we want better relationships and more happiness and joy then we need to learn emotional regulation and try and have a little fun while we’re doing it. ABBA is one of those techniques and the main thing we like about it, is that it is a sign that the partners are invested in the relationship and are working at growing it together. Love after all is a Verb! And so is anything we DO to improve our loving relationships. If it takes a tool like ABBA for managing Anger in relationships to help us grow together and stay together then, roll on the music and at all costs try anything but anger.