7 Steps to Transform Your Life

Transforming your life involves going beyond the way you live, co-creating a better life for yourself, and changing the way you live. You do this by using your thoughts, visualization, words, faith, actions, or a combination of them. By Dr. Nella Ann Roberts, an excerpt from Transform Your Life: 7 Steps to a Better Life.

Many people want to change some aspect of their lives. Others prefer to transform their lives by making significant, lasting changes. We run a 12 week course in personal transformation here.

7 Steps to Transform Your Life involves training yourself with belief and going beyond the way you live, co-creating a better life for yourself with self love, and changing the way you live and your entire belief system. You do this, seeking ultimate success,  by using your thoughts, visualization, words, faith, actions, or a combination of them. You use them to change some of what is happening within you and in your life, to co-create what you truly desire, and to live differently.

This training process of using 7 Steps to Transform Your Life begins from within and results in significant changes in you and your life. As you change, your life will also change. You will have a better life. Your better life can be your best life ever — the life of your dreams. If you are going through a major challenge or several challenges, they may seem to go on forever, but as day always follows night, so too your breakthrough will follow your challenges if you follow some of the advice presented:

Embrace your Darkness and Suffering to Heal

  1. Build and maintain a strong burning desire

Desire is the driving force that propels us to achieve our goals. If you are serious about transforming your life, you can set this as one of your major goals. However, to achieve this goal, you must have a strong desire that is like a fire lit within you and you must maintain this strong desire until your life is transformed.

  1. Engage in transformative learning

Transformative learning is about changing how you think and the thoughts you think along with your beliefs. It involves training and changing your perspective and acting from a new, more empowering, self love styled perspective. As the apostle Paul noted, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Rom. 12:2) Transformative learning is one of the best ways to renew your mind and transform your life.

  1. Change your self-concept

Have you ever asked yourself, “Who am I?” You are not your name. You are not your job title. You are not your body. You live in a body. What do you think about yourself? For many, these are deep questions. There is a tendency to believe who others tell us we are and this can limit us. Spend some time finding out who you really are and then change the concept you have of yourself to that of the real you. When you do this using the 7 Steps to Transform Your Life, you will change, and when you change your life will also change.

  1. Understand some basics of the co-creation process

You may have heard others say that you create your reality. Really? We do not create anything. We are co-creator and we bring things into existence together with God and others. We co-create both good and undesirable things and events for ourselves and others. If you understand some basics of the co-creation process, this will help you to transform your life.

  1. Co-create your better life

After you understand some basics of the co-creation process, take the time to plan your life. You can develop a strategic plan for your life. A strategic plan outlines where you are now, where you want to go, and how you intend to get there. It includes things like your mission, vision, and your major goals for the key areas of your life, such as health, wealth, success, and your relationship with God and others. Write down your plan and take action to achieve your goals. The sooner you start, the faster you will get more of them. Plan to have a better life full of the desires of your heart and enjoy your life.

  1. Start living differently

To start living differently you have to start thinking, talking, and acting differently and continue doing so until your life is transformed. Implement your plans, monitor them and evaluate them on a regular basis. Revise them if you need to. Every step you take in the right direction gets you closer to your desired destination.

  1. Be grateful

Many of us have a lot to be grateful for, including things we take for granted. Having eyes to read and access to the internet are among our many blessings. What do you have to be grateful for today? Who can you thank for a blessing you received recently? Gratitude releases endorphins in your body and this makes you feel good. It helps you cope with stress and it is good for your health. Gratitude opens doors in your life for receiving more — for yourself, and to share with others.

Transforming your life can be challenging, yet exciting and rewarding. If you want a much better life with more of the things you truly desire, then take some action today to start doing so.

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For more help with our courses and the 7 Steps to Transform Your Life or to heal, grow and enrich your life contact us on acourseinrecovery@gmail.com

Counselling therapy services, Wellness center and retreat experiences and online training, healing and development courses in personal transformation are available to you.

How to control your impulses like a pro

You have problems controlling your impulses if you act too quickly on your feelings.  Then you may not have learned How to control your impulses like a pro as yet. Perhaps you constantly suffer negative consequences because you act without careful thought.  If you had stopped to think, you would not have gotten into all that trouble.  Maybe you ended in jail, struck someone you cared for or just got drunk.  This set of exercises is for those people who lose control over their behaviour.  It outlines the skills necessary to healproblems with impulse control.How to control your impulses like a pro

The first thing you have to understand is that you are held accountable in our society only for what you do.  You are not held accountable for what you think or how you feel.  Your movements are what count.  That is what people see.  That is how people judge you.  You can think about robbing a bank all day long and you will not get arrested.  But if you rob a bank, then you have committed a crime and might be in big trouble.  To control your impulses, you must learn to control your movements.

HOW TO UNDERSTAND YOUR FEELINGS

To control your impulses, you need to understand your feelings.  Feelings are impulses and feelings motivate action.  They are a powerful force.  The direct behaviour.  Each feeling is connected to a specific activity.  Let’s examine several feelings and the actions they stimulate.  There are only a few basic feelings.  Fear, anger and sadness are a few of them.  Fear motivates you to run, anger motivates you to fight and sadness motivates you to recover a lost object.  Examine each feeling and the movement to which it is attached.  Learn that each feeling motivates a specific action and learn what each feeling is and the action it initiates.

HOW TO DEVELOP GOALS

Now it is time to take a close look at exactly what you want to change as you learn How to control your impulses like a pro.  Remembering that behaviour is movement, Question: take a piece of paper and detail exactly what you want to do differently.  For example, someone who physically abuses his or her spouse or kids would want to write down something like this:  “I want to stop hitting my spouse and children.”

Study each of your goals.  Is it reasonable that you can attain this goal?  Make sure that the goal is written in behavioural terms.  It needs to be a movement you can see, hear or feel.

WHAT I WANT TO DO DIFFERENTLY:

                     

Now that you have the specific behaviour you want to change, we can look at exactly how you are going to change.

Feelings as you navigate how to control your impulses like a pro

All feelings are friendly, even the painful ones.  They help us adapt to our environment and give us energy and direction for action.  The skill necessary for dealing with feelings appropriately is to learn exactly what coping skills to use when having a particular feeling.  Feelings should not be ignored; they should be acted on.  Which action to take is the skill you want to learn.  You need to spend some time with a few feelings and learn coping skills for dealing with these feelings.  Then you must practice the new skills until they become automatic.  You cannot just learn what to do.  You must practice the actual behaviour until it becomes second nature.  This will take a lot of time and practice.  Do not try to do this perfectly; just make progress.

Anger

Anger gives chemically dependent persons more problems than does any other feeling.  You can relapse into old behaviour when you feel angry and frustrated.  Anger gives you the energy and direction to fight.  Anger is good and fighting is good, so long as the actions are appropriate.  The problems arise when we fight all the time or at inappropriate times. 

Anger is friendly.  It needs to be listened to and expressed.  You need to learn how to use your anger assertively rather than aggressively.  Much of this work is taken from Your Perfect Right, an assertive guide by Alberti and Emmons (1986).  They found that verbal and physical aggression rarely is necessary and can even be harmful.  Acting on your anger assertively is a much more effective means of getting what you want. 

Here is an assertive formula that you should memorize and practice until it becomes automatic: I feel ____________________________________ when you _______________________________________.  I would prefer it if _____________________________________. 

When you feel angry with someone, you start by describing how you feel.  Thats how you start How to control your impulses like a pro! Then, in behavioral terms, describe what the person did that led to your feelings.  Then, again in behavioral terms, tell the person what you want him or her to do.  As we would teach you at our wellness center, let’s try it in a situation to show how the assertive formula works.

The Aggressive Response

Bob comes home from work one hour late.  Barbara, his spouse, is hurt and angry.

Barbara:               “Where have you been?  You’re such an incredible jerk!”

How is Bob going to be feeling – attacked, hurt, angry, defensive?  He might retaliate and say something like this:

Bob:                       “What a nag!  You’re always mad at me!”

The Assertive Response

Barbara:               “I feel hurt and angry when you’re late.  I would prefer it if you would call me and tell me when you’re not going to be on time.”

The assertive formula gives the other person accurate information that he or she can use to remedy the situation.  The person knows what he or she did and knows what to do differently.

Try the assertive formula at least two times today.  After each use, write down the situation and how it turned out.  Notice the feelings that you have.  If you are like most people, you will feel much more in control of your feelings.  You also will get more of what you want.  This will lead to less anger.

How to control your impulses through Fear

Fear is another difficult feeling for people.  Fear motivates you to run or withdraw from a dangerous situation.  Fear is friendly.  Withdrawal is friendly and it can be adaptive, but it also can be inappropriate.  It is important to think accurately and consider the consequences before you withdraw.  What are the pros and cons of withdrawing from the situation?  It is not appropriate to run from all of your problems even if they are scary.  If you did, then you would not solve any of them.  You must learn to stand your ground even in a painful situation.  That way you can work a problem through to resolution.  If you find that you always are running away, then you must find other coping skills to use when you feel frightened.  The same assertive formula works here: 

“I feel _____________________________________ when you ___________________________.  I would prefer it if ____________________________.”, works as well with fear as it does with anger.  If people know you are frightened, they often respond positively to your fear.  It even helps to share your fear with someone who is not involved with the immediate situation.  Remember to share your feelings.  This is a major coping skill.  It can be used with all feelings.

Behaviour

By now you know that using the right behavior at the right time is the real secret to success when dealing with impulse control problems.  It is the movements – the behavior – that people are responsible for, so you must practice not moving quickly.  You have to delay action until you have time to think and plan.  Some people have to back away from the situation entirely to give themselves the time to think.  They might have to go for a walk, a run or a drive.  They might have to leave the house or the places of conflict and give themselves some space.

You know yourself the best and you know beforehand when you are getting ready to lose control.  You must practice catching this increase in your feelings before you lose control.  At this point you must move away from the situation.  You cannot stay there and hope to achieve control.  That is too dangerous.  Do not worry.  You are going to come back to the problem and the situation is going to be addressed but you need some time to get away from the problem.  If you stay in a situation where you have lost control, then you are playing with fire.  Do not do that to yourself.

Exactly what coping skills to use in a particular situation will take some planning.  As it is with all metal health work. We need coping skills! This planning must take place before the situation and it must be practiced until it becomes automatic. At our mental health clinic we can’t stress the importance of this enough!

In the block below write down the situation you are having difficulty with.  Now brainstorm with your counselor, a friend or partner.  What else could you do in that situation?  For example, Barbara is trying to control her tendency to hit her children.  She made this plan when she feels angry with them again:

 

When I’m getting angry, I’m going to do the following:

1.             Recognise my anger

2.             Step back from the situation as far as necessary to feel the anger go down and then:

a.             Go into another room      b.    Go for a walk    c.    Go for a drive     d.  Go to my mother’s house    e.                Go talk to a friend next door

f.              Call my sponsor

3.             When I’m thinking clearly, I will plan my response.  I might have to do this with someone I trust

4.             Come back to my children and try my plan

5.             If I get too angry, I will go back and repeat the whole procedure. This is what we teach at our wellness center as a core aspect of How to control your impulses like a pro.

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The Mental Health Consequence

If you want to How to control your impulses like a pro then it is important to take a careful look at the consequence of your behaviour.  You will not learn from your actions unless you see clearly what happens when you act in a certain manner.  On another piece of paper, write briefly what happened each time you lost control of your actions.  Under each situation, write down the negative consequence that resulted from that loss of control.  This must be done in great detail.  Take a lot of time and think.  Do not blame anyone else for what happened.  Concentrate on your own actions.  Use every situation you can think of.  The more clearly you can see the negative consequence of your behaviour, the more you will tell yourself never to act that way again.  You can learn from your behaviour if you stop, think and plan before you act.

We have looked carefully at the behaviour you want to change.  We have studied the trigger, thought, feeling, behaviour and consequence.  Now let’s go over what you are going to do when you are in a high-risk situation.  What is your plan when you feel impulsive?  First, think of the word STOP.

S              –              Stop:  Stop and commit yourself to a rational response

T              –              Think

1.            What is the situation?

2.            What is at stake?

3.            Get your thinking accurate

O             –              Options:

1.            What are the options?

2.            What are the pros and cons of each option?

3.            Choose the best option

P             –              Plan:  Carry out the plan

You can do this.  You no longer have to be a slave to your impulses.  You can change your behaviour.  You have all of the necessary skills. Perhaps stick the below affirmation to your mirror? Power is the ability to choose right action.

S.T.O.P.                “I can choose peace, rather than this”.

For more help on How to control your impulses contact us on marklockwoodscloud@icloud.com or call +27824424779

We are here to help with inpatient treatment at our wellness center for addictions, depression, burnout and anxiety as well as other personality and emotional issues. Don’t stay stuck. Enjoy learning about How to control your impulses with us and change your life as a consequence.

Discover the Universal Recovery Clock.

We need to come to understand that life is also happening to you. You are ‘being-done’ as the Sufi’s used to say. A human life is not a one-sided deal, where we alone get to make all the choices and decisions that will lead us to where we are going. Science and religion are starting to agree that we are all moving towards a place of inner awakening, expanded awareness and consciousness. Whether we like it or not. When you Discover the Universal Recovery Clock, you start to realize that it seems to insist on moving us from birth, through life’s challenges, which will include some inevitable suffering, towards a better understanding of ourselves, Creator and Creation and reality itself.

THE RECOVERY CLOCK

Imagine that your life is like a giant chronometer. Visualize a regular clock face that we can use to map out our lives. The parts we are in control of the parts that are as they are, like puberty, growing up and brain development. It has been ticking from the moment you started forming a body. Right from when you were less than the eye could see, as a single zygote protoplasmic cell. Carl Jung was one of the first people to explain what he saw as the first and second halves of life. Bear in mind these halves are not chronological.

They suggest in the first half of life we build up an ego and defences and then, in the apparent obscurity and absurdity of life, we then learn to let that go, as the quote opening this chapter suggests. But many are addicted to the first half of life, and even to the not letting go of what they have created of it. This is real and raw addiction. We are addicted to our thinking not our drinking. Everything from the twelves steps of alcoholics anonymous to almost every religion, philosophy and system that has been created that are invariably about letting go and change. This may suggest that this pattern of the two halves has always been around, and has been something that every human being is destined to traverse and journey through.

Discover the Universal Recovery Clock

Life is much like a clock. First of all it only goes one way, moving from one, down to six and then back up to twelve o’clock. There is nothing you can do as a human to stop completely. Just like you it can’t stop while it’s alive. Our minds, bodies and emotions are buzzing twenty four hours a day. There is always movement towards something.  Life is always unfolding. Even at death your body will continue to decompose and return to the earth, without your help. There is a definite pattern to life. We all start out in one way and then end up one way. All of us, no exception. Life unfolds in a countless series of forms, both good and bad. Both tragic and epic. Both beautiful and ugly.

PREGNANT WITH POSSIBILITY

Have you ever noticed the look on a pregnant mothers face as she has given birth. Notice how their expressions are all so similar at the moment of birth, as they are passed their child and fall into a restful state of motherly bliss. These expressions uniformly hold a most wonderful look of peace, and you can see it again and again through many births. As the child takes their first breath of life, the big journey of life, bliss and suffering begins. A journey that we can metaphorically liken to a clock.

Generally speaking, at around three years old, psychology tells us that we make one of the biggest decisions of our lives. We decide whether the world is a malevolent and violent place, or a good place to live. This decision is part of what shapes our reality as we grow up towards having to make similar decisions at pinnacle times of our lives again. Even this decision of recovery you are embarking on, can be a pivotal and life changing tipping point that changes everything.

How to Recover Spiritually from Life.

As early as three am on the clock we start to move away from ourselves. As we grow we become obsessed with competition. We become nasty trying to get ahead. We are desperate to be loved, noticed and recognized as beautiful talented, smart and loving. But the rejections, non-nurturing etc. gets in our way.

“Whosoever you are, you will come to a crisis in your life, and after the crisis, if you are open to it, you will enter a space of spiritual refreshment, peace and compassion that you could not have imagined before. If you are closed to it, you will stay in crisis. In the crisis of addiction. In the crisis of depression. In a constant state of flux and tension.” – Richard Rhor

At the bottom of our metaphorical life clock rages a dark ocean, that we will refer to as the dark night of the soul. Way down at 06 o’clock, we are the furthest away from our starting point that we will ever be again. Our true nature, innate values and true selves are a distant foggy memory. Some people spend more time than others moving away from their true selves. This metaphorical low point is where many people become ill, die or become addicted or depressed. Just remember that this game of life doesn’t stop here. There is a corner to turn, but the problem is most of us don’t know it. Remembering we can’t go back, we become afraid. Many long to go back and become paralyzed and feel it is unfair that we can’t go back to the innocence of that happy child.

It’s a swim we must all eventually traverse. This is the recovery we must all face in life. Not one, but all. First, many of us try and shy away for it. We can be successful at avoiding looking at the dark night of the soul for a long time. We can zone out on drugs and distraction. We can try and be someone else, or we can pretend, as most of us do, that it only exists in nightmares.

For more information on Discover the Universal Recovery Clock contact us, subscribe on YouTube and get involved with your growth, healing and conscious awakening. No one needs to stay emotionally or psychologically stuck any longer. Help is here. You CAN heal your life.

www.markllockwood.com

 

 

Embrace your Darkness and Suffering to Heal

We will have suffering, you can be guaranteed of it. But you can ease it, transcend it. Use it. Grow profoundly from it, and most importantly overcome it. Further you can not only do this for yourself but for other people as well. Now, imagine that on a worldwide and universal scale.

Embrace your Darkness and Suffering to Heal and grow in your life. Suffering is very much a part of re-birth and life rather than a part of death and endings. Suffering is a great teacher and it is through times of personal darkness and despair that we can transform the most.

When we crash emotionally into the dark night of the soul and experience suffering in life, it can be overwhelming. We can go into a slump, without warning, overnight. But we can also choose another path and find a way to heal and grow through suffering. What data shows is how much time that takes can be a personal choice.

Between pleasure and pain, pain is the better teacher. It brings about more transformation than pleasure, which oftentimes leads straight back to suffering.

Friedrich Nietzsche said that “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how” Nietzsche was an expert on suffering and obsessed with the pursuit of pleasure which he wrote about in his book The will to Power. He eventually drove himself mad in his pursuits and never found the pleasure that he believed was the meaning of our lives. Not love or God, or meaning as most of us perceive it today; nor as the greatest teachers of old, Like Jesus, or Buddha, or Lao Tzu ever did. Interesting in his madness and suffering, he once saw a horse being whipped in the streets and ran out, embracing the horse, to free it from the cruelty. Almost a total contradiction in terms to his life-long beliefs! In the end he showed kindness, love and mercy. Traits he never valued until the end. Until the suffering took his life, which happened shortly after the incident. Love is the desire to see unnecessary suffering ameliorated.

We will have suffering, you can be guaranteed of it. But you can ease it, transcend it. Use it. Grow profoundly from it, and most importantly overcome it. Further you can not only do this for yourself but for other people as well. Now, imagine that on a worldwide and universal scale.

As our world suffers today, so it grows. The softening, opening up and internal shifts we are taking towards love and vulnerability for planet, self, other and God is palpable today, as it rises from a depressed, addicted and stuck culture that has already started to believe hedonism, self-obsession, glorification of busy, and personal gain don’t work for anybody. We are the most technologically advanced, comfortable and most oblivious generation that have ever lived. With everything on demand, we are able to change our very feelings on a whim. We can eat any produce from anywhere in the world, all year round. We can have almost anything we want. But the big issue is what we have got is more suffering. Not more pleasure. With about 50 percent of Americans on depression meds, or addicted, things are starting to change. Drugs, hedonism, obsession with sex, selfishness and personal gain and the idea of excess is being reconsidered as suffering rises in our collective consciousness.

Today, no one needs to suffer unnecessarily more than they have to. When suffering comes we can and will bear it eventually. We will always be able to overcome, even if it is just through acceptance and surrender to what it is that we are suffering. When we argue with reality, when we go against yin and yang, laws of attraction and even human values like patience, generosity and kindness or mindfulness, our own suffering and that of those around us will increase. Rather, today, you are encouraged to embrace your Darkness and Suffering to Heal and grow in your life.

If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Suffering is an ineradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete – Viktor E. Frankl

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Embrace your Darkness and Suffering to Heal

The Buddha Path to Healing Your Life

How to understand The Buddha Path to Healing Your Life and put noble truths and spiritual principles into practice in your own life can change things drastically, and quickly for you. Learn to walk the right path, and understand what that actually means in everyday life. Suffering is a major part of life. Staying stuck in suffering is not. This is the Nirvana that Buddha talked about. He encouraged us to take the road less travelled and to ease our suffering and that of the rest of the world. Healing from depression, addictions, anxiety and the stuckness that life can bring, is not necessary in today’s modern world. Learn the art of self reliance, healing and growth with us as we explore the principles and noble truths of walking a righteous path.

Healing. Real and sustainable personal growth. Recovery on all fronts and from all sides. So get subscribed to our Youtube channel.

Religion and The Buddha Path to Healing Your Life

As a modern Christian, or Universal Christian, I am coming to understand that division among people is just a mind-trap. Our minds are always looking for division by nature. This we call our ego, or shadow selves as Carl Jung, my favourite psychologist of all time put it. We are designed largely with a need to win, to be right, to be on the top and to be better than other people. This dichotomous thinking is always separating us from others. The protestants from the Methodists or Catholics. Even worse from the Muslims, Jews or Buddhists. It defeats the whole idea of Christianity as loving God and our neighbour. We somehow made our neighbour smaller and smaller as we evolved over the last two thousand years. We split the field more and more and in so doing created war. We killed off all our neigbours and loved only what we thought was like ourselves. So we have a lot to make up for as Christians for sure. But also as a species. We have all in one way or another created sides and divisions, which must fall if we really want to consciously evolve to any real degree. One thing we know from data and research is that Buddhism and Christianity have more similarities than differences. Perhaps we need to start appealing to the former not the latter thinking.

The Buddha Path to Healing Your Life

Buddhism can teach us a lot about how to do that. Their belief in karma, or cause and effect is beyond useful to an egoic mind and so are their ideas about the Three Universal Truths,

Discovering The Buddha Path to Healing Your Life

the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path, which together are known as the Dharma, many of which are displayed in our short Youtube video on The Buddha Path.

The Three Universal Truths are:

  1. Everything is impermanent and changing
  2. Impermanence leads to suffering, making life imperfect
  3. The self is not personal and unchanging.

The Four Noble Truths:

  1. All life involves suffering (the Truth of Suffering)
  2. Suffering is caused by desire and attachment (the Origin of Suffering)
  3. Desire and attachment can be overcome (the Truth of Cessation)
  4. The way to overcome them is by the Eightfold Path (the Truth of the Path).

The Eightfold Path:

  1. Right seeing and understanding – e.g. the Noble Truths
  2. Right thought or intention – e.g. acting considerately
  3. Right speech – e.g. avoiding lies or gossip; saying what you mean
  4. Right action – e.g. honesty and not harming living things
  5. Right work or livelihood – e.g. avoiding jobs that harm other beings
  6. Right effort – e.g. seeking to overcome desire, selfishness and attachment
  7. Right mindfulness – e.g. thinking before acting; meditation
  8. Right concentration – e.g. freeing the mind of distractions before meditation

It seems that so much of our suffering these days, and there is a lot of it, is caused and exacerbated unnecessarily. We argue, fuss, fight, blame and accuse. We judge the field and then cause one division after another. Rarely do I meet a client these days who doesn’t have at least one family member they don’t talk to, generally speaking.

Love is greatly underestimated. When we love, we leave the judgments and become open, not closed. Defence is the first act of war. Our million year old minds are always on the defensive. So, psychologically speaking what we need to do is show up without our armour with intentional vulnerability and connection as a core purpose that we hold mindfully above all else. If we start to show up not only psychologically but emotionally and spiritually as well, we will see things start to change from the bottom up. From our family and career lives, outwards. The Buddha path emphasises mindfulness, right effort and focus that we need to keep in mind in an ever changing and imperfect world. When you and I can sit together and relate through our imperfections, the ego will have no place in our relationships, marriages and decision making processes. From this standpoint, we can create better schooling, stable and inclusive societies and relationships with each other. In this way, unnecessary suffering, manifest through addictions and depression for example, will dissolve with love and oneness.

Benedizioni, Shalom and Namaste

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